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Friday, January 25, 2013

AS TOLD BY THAT GUY: BURYING THE "THE JEW MAN" WITH 2012...

Emmm. . . I began my new year on the Nairaland sexuality forum, reading a thread on the craziest sexiest thing you ever did. . .lol. . . And believe me the loads of funny but interesting stuffs i read there no doubt influenced my new year resolution which is "don't dull". As silly as it may sound, i resolved not to be a “jew man” (you know what am talking abi?) in the new year with respect to my interaction with women, 'cos i felt in that aspect i've sucked big time! So to cut a long story short and "as pa" Engine boy (engineering student na) i laid out my 3 point agenda to achieve my resolution, tese were; *Woo/Chyke/Toast any girl that stares at me too long. *Walk up to any chick i'm liking and ask her out (outrightly if i chop enough liver!). *Try my luck and perfect my "SWEET MOUTHING” even on less facially endowed girls till something happens! Call me crazy but this was my resolve! So to oil the wheels of my exploits i decided to begin by calling up Nkechi one first year chick like that, who i had rocked at our faculty night last October, but had not really been in contact with after then. Emmm. . . Girls can form sha! She talked so sluggishly that my N500 MTN credit almost went on religation! She said she was at her home town of Mbano LGA of Imo state for te Xmas, and as a big boy which I was trying to portray, i just kept asking after her well being and that was it oh (where you expecting me to chyke her just like that?). Anyways that was a fun beginning for the now. The real crux and main story worth telling began when i arrived on campus this january from Aba. You see, "as pa Aje-butter wey i be" my mummy (….lol….) usually packs a "Ghana-must-go" bag of foodstuffs to last a full semester for me, though it was usually Obviously excess (she even use to pack soup sef. . .lol). Due to the the VOLUMOUSITY of the bag, i usually chattered a taxi cab from Peace park in Nsukka, Enugu state, to my lodge at Onuiyi (a.k.a behind flat). However on this particular day the greedy taxi driver decided to balantly charge me N400 naira oh, for a journey that normally costed just N350! Trust me naw, i quarelled and haggled with the big headed, poke eyed man, with every grammar i could recall in my General Studies Use of English (my “A” course). Anyways while the argument ensued, this “oyibolistic” (fair looking) babe holding up her blackberry in the usual naija campus babe fashion. With the biggest sun glasses, which were as large as slidding windows came along. Nna, ehn!, as pa “Nwa Aba” wey i be i just coded sharp! Sharp!! and paid the driver the N370, with no further tussle!
The fair chick who had this phoney accent asked the wheel barrow boy conveying her luggage to put in the trunk while she dolled out a tidy N500, to pay as that was what Mr Big head, poke eyed driver had sefishly charged her. We had to wait for a while for too extra passengers to come, even though it was a charter (can you imagine?). I had arranged in my head the sweet words i was going to spill in her direction for the short 10minutes the journey was supposed to last which will culminate in asking for her phone number. I didn’t waste time as I allowed her sit in the middle of the back seat gently whistling “ladies first” into her smallish ears whilst I sat directly behind the driver. However, something spoilt my show! One of the occupants who was supposed to complete the Passenger seat with us at the back was a deeper life woman (one of these critical church denominations) and probably a lecturer. So I resolved to respect myself to avoid a barrage of sermon before reaching our destination. That day I discovered God truly loved me ‘cos the Deeper Life Woman alighted not too far from the main school Gate which left me a good 5 minutes to chit chat with Miss fair lady. I skillfully struck up a conversation on how well the VC was doing projects on Campus. . . she kept quiet admist pinging. In anticipation that she might get interested in my convo, I switched topics to how it seemed most renovations were mostly in the female hostels…. NWANNE come see argument! I never knew political scientists were this agile, be they male or FEMALES especially the female ones oh! NNa EHN! She quoted and quoted on how women deserved more, gender inequality and more of that ish…. In my mind I was smilling that I had got her exactly were I wanted, OR SO I THOUGHT…….. hope you all enjoyed this first part? There is definitely more adventure/misadventure to come so see you all next week FRIDAY. Happy Weekend. As Told by=> Toochukwu Moderated by=> *Kingsley*
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3 comments:

  1. Finally! After all the hyping! Good intro, definitely looking out for next week, that fair girl go finish your money on her bleaching creams! Mark me!

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